VERA DAE

http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=6O3N1I6O0N

http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=2V1Y3T9E7Z

my muffin.

MANANA.

yesterday. i go to the dentist and sit there and find out that i didnt even have an appt. until today. waste of my time.
than i go to my obgyn and since im a complete airhead i dont tell her anything that is going on because i am so preoccupied with the shot i had to get in my tush. i mean duuh.

tooodaaay. i went to the denist and it was fun. so fresh. so clean.
annd i went to the chiropractor. she is pregnant herself (6 months). she checks out my body and i tell her everything i am feeling and what i do on a daily basis. how i have to go back to chopped next week. my prior contractions and discomforts. my mothers pregnancy difficulties (she was on bed rest) etc.......... now tomorrow i have to call my obgyn and get it 'written' that i have to be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. BOLOGNA.

my mom says to the doctor "im trying to get her to go and get a job where she can sit for the rest of the prenancy and.." the doctor totally cuts her off and says "nooo. she has six to eight weeks left. no big deal. the job can wait." a little slap in the face for my pushy mother.

if this goes through tomorrow i can only be on my feet for 20-30 minutes at a time. ick. boredum! and ill be puttin on the pounds nicely. but ill consider it a little vacation. i have plenty of appts everyweeks so ill be somewhat occupied i suppose. hopefully this wont mean my parents control factor swings in and they say "you cant go out if you cant work" which is by far completely rediculous. buut definatly not surprising. 

<3 the bright side is that my baby is perfect and that is all that really matters. <3

Date:	2006-07-09 19:51
Subject:	shame
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

it seems to me that whoever goes to South Carolina doesnt come back.
i am crossing my fingers but i have a bad feeling.

left the house for the 1st time in a long time. saw a movie with my little brother. it was chill.
taught seth how to swim. and i am BEAT. pools put a toll on ya!

our rooms and the whole house is getting painted so now i cant even go home. and i really dont know when i am going to. but my grandmas house is nice so i guess its okay for now.
im the only one that ever misses home. its wierd.

a few more monthes to go and its getting scarier. ahh. i wonder if i am going to have a baby shower. my family seems way way busy and christian isnt coming home. i got my hopes all high. my life has WAY too many ups and downs................. shoot me.

overall i have to stay chill. its harder than it seems but i canNOT go back to that hospital. cathiders (sp) and tongs up the ying yang. no fun at all.

im watching zoolander and it reminds me of justin.
hilarious!

long week of work and appointments ahead.
goodnight.

to justin.

happy father day!

to andrew.

happy fathers day!




<3

im doing it AGAIN. having my little mental breakdown.
i need a vacation before the hard reality hits. im scared.

annnd golly. who knew pregnancy would make my anxiety SKY ROCKET.

i need some baby name help. its hard to make a decision bymyself.
so shoot me some ideas.
<3

yes im happy.
:)

ULTRASOUND TODAY!!!!???!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!???

*^$#@!^%^@!*&#^!&*^@&(*^!

and the verdict is.....

last night was my first public appearance.

fatty coming through.

just a few thoughts.

lately things have only gotten better. all loose ends i have had are all tied up.. well almost. i am happy about that. my aunt that i havent talked to in 7 years thanks to my mom found me on myspace. it is actually good for something now.. its real awesome actually. i talk to james.. the step dad.. everyday now. i talk to my father.. kind of. my grandparents.. just a few more people and i think it will all be okay. it just feels way good inside not having to go to bed thinking of who i am missing out on.

its sad to think this past year how down hill i have gone. and whats even more sad is that i knew it was going downhill. kind of like i wanted it to because i felt there was nowhere else for it to go. well i was obviously wrong. i dont know what happened to me. i lost myself for too long. its hard for me because i cant take back the bad things i have done or the people i have hurt but i definatly would if i could. ahah being home alone alot gets me to thinking. ohhhhh god. but i am sorry. to everyone.. even the ones who dont read this. im sorry.

the new chapter in my life has now started and i am scared to death to see where it will take me. i know im not alone in any way because of my family and that means more to me than anything. but all the things i am going to do alone that i am supposed to share with someone really gets to me. i get all excited. i start making all these plans. and then i look up just to see my reflection in the mirror. i dont think i will be doing it alone forever but just to be able to share something so special to me with someone who might actually care would mean the world to me. i am happy with the decisions i am making right now and they are DEFINATLY for the best but there is always the little space in my heart with a huge question mark in it. im so young. its really kicking me in the ass.

its too hard for me to talk to people. to ask for advice. im scared to.. i just dont know. i dont know. maybe i can answer my own questions in time. i have way too many. i can help myself sometime. but what happens when things get to hard again? i dont want to lose myself. i dont want to lose anyone. im not embarassed of myself. im not embarassed of my life or of my future. i just feel _____. i wish i knew what _____ was. but i do know it makes me feel horrible.

im happy i got a job. MONEY is what i need. and i need to save sooo much. and its a good job too. not very tiring. the only downfall is i have to stand. all day. it is already takeing a toll on my body. i can go to the gym and i can go for walks but i cannot stand in one spot for more than 3 minutes. and tomorrow is my 1st 12 hour day for the GRAAAND OPENING that i couldnt go out of town with my family for. ive already picked up 3 shifts and now im working 12 hours. i just hope this doesnt happend everysingle day off. the cash will be good i just wish my shoes where two gigantic marshmallows. that would be great. and i have to eventually tell the owner when i have to leave. im scared.

i also want my appetite back. i have lost too much weight. i wouldnt mind it if i lost it all maybe 4 monthes ago. i am not really hungry but i have absolutely no engery at all. i feel like a zombie everyday. and i was told it was only for 3 monthes. and my bladder size is rediculous. it has to be the size of a pea. i would go on buuuut.. i wont.

my vent session is done.
at least for today.



<3

i am now living in california.
pacific beach to be exact.
its alright.
i am poor.
and without family or annaka.

first story i have in a long while.

i was driving home from work and i was the last one out of the parking lot. so we are going our normal 70 mph down speedway and i notice a cars headlights behind me.. i was thinking to myself wierd because i was the last one out. so we hit the stoplight on houghton and the car behind me is makeing a left hand turn and it happens to be a cop. so i was thinking again 'gosh we were flying and he didnt pull any of us over.. wierd' and then i tell myself ' man i never get pulled over. sweeeeet' i make a right on harrison to go down wrightstown. i missed all my turns home because i was so wrapped up in the music. and this is the 1st time i have ever gone this way home. anyways.. so once again i am speeding like a mad man and right after i tell myself 'wooo i never get pulled over' some cop throws his lights on. and so i shit my pants.. the anticipation of sitting there waiting for the cop to get out of his car is pure torture. then he asks why i got pulled over and what not. yada yada i was going 61 in a 35. and i had no proof of insurance. driving school will be fun and so will the fucking bill. happy holidays kaley.

annnd my fun list of bills to pay off:

hospital: 1700.00
gyno: 40.00
library: 30.00
car tags: 130.00
overdue insurance: 150.00
ticket: 280.00
driving school: 80.00
mvd: 65.00
if i didnt have proof of insurance: 980.00
xmas presents: 400.00

thats a total of alot of money.
ahahahha

not to mention that fact that i want to go to school.











shoot me please

& i <3 annaka cone

and im back in the game



because I GOT A CELL PHONE.

9795221 hell yes.

"edge kids don't die, they just graduate high school"


ahahahahahahaaaaaaaa
i truely love it.

practice

safe

sex

<3<3

venting time!

i moved out. agian.. but this time it is for good.
i am going to miss my mother and brothers so much it hurts.
its scary. you think you have family there to catch you or pick you up and dust you off but its a lie.
that house is fucked up and i am way past finished with it..
now i have to see what the world has in store for me.

ah advice anyone?

well i got up today and got all ready and shit but now its all to waste. i hate wasteing make up god damnit.
and what am i supposed to do with school now? and my car?
i left my belt and work shoes at the house too.. ahh poo
i just hope my mom knows i love her and she isnt the reason that i left.
my mind is so scattered everywhere. i have so much to say and sooooo many questions.
im scared scared scared

but we all have to grow up someday.









i guess

i am going on a random flight to california early tomorrow morning.
i have never been on a plane nor have i not been home for more then 3 days at a time.
so i am nervous but extremely excited.

i will get to see the love of my life.


okay so i am very very very scared to go on a plane. and the flight back i have to be on the plane without christian. ahhhhh. i need to grow up or grow some nuggets. i need help.

i have to pack like speed lightening because i work like a mad dog today and i have absolutely no time to do anything. im trippin for some reason.

ahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


wish me luck

<3

i went to pima today. i was scared. i dont want to register alone.
someone be my college buddy.
=)

i have to make a crazy hard hard decision today and i dont know what i am going to do. i am scared right now.

i really wish i was happy with life right now but i am not. it is a shame i know but there really isnt nothing else to say. other then the wonderful 7 letter word.


T-H-E-R-E-P-Y.

<3

i got a hott date on friday and i want all of you to be jealous.
<3

hilary duff shrunk like crazy! she looks good but it doesnt seem healthy.

this is sad but work is like my second family. its nice.
hmmm

someone give me something to talk about.

one fucking bullshit day after another.

i fell out of a car and i need pain killers.
i cant go to the doctor until next week.
ahhhh
my family is lame.

please please someone kidnap me.
ill be happier

i have seen saw 2 twice now.
someone help me find a life please..
i am getting disapointed.





justin